Ok I'm admittedly getting ... we'll call it, "fidgety" about the gym and my training/workouts. Yesterday I had a fantastic upper body workout, and I tested the waters on the elliptical. Nothing intense, just testing out the motion and it felt great.
Today I went for an all cardio session - 40 mins on the elliptical (nice! testing to 40 minutes) and had no problems. I kept the brace on the entire time (um hello gross sweaty knee brace) and it was over in no time. Through the day today, I made it braceless with no mis-steps, instability or weakness. It's really feeling great all around! Honestly I can't get over it - from where I was just a few days ago till now, it's like night and day! Then and now...before and after...more on that waaay down there...
I ended up needing to reschedule my follow-up Ortho appt from next Friday to next Tuesday because of a conflict with work. Let's hope for the all clear! Obviously I'm anxious to get back to it (SLOWLY, and only if it's safe!) but that anxiousness just got cranked up a notch since the last opportunity to post a Qualifying Total for the 2011 Raw Unity Meet is the meet I had been planning on doing in November. If I can't make that one, i most likely won't be able to lift at the RUM.
In other powerlifting news...leave it to Myles to turn my PL bomb-out into something good...now my source of strength and fuel for my fire :) I was very pleasantly suprised to find a link into this article (stupid comments aside ;) the other day.
I've now had four days in a row of really good work with nutrition/listening/trusting etc. I'm starting to trust myself and my body at least a little more. Monday was HARD, but I stuck with it and in the end it was all OK :) Tuesday was really good too. Last night was rough...I was waaay down in the abyss. I came here and wrote it all out - all of the things I was feeling and I felt the tension ease as I wrote...it really did help to just accept it all and not fight it.
I was embarrassed though, I worried over it, and I wound up deleting it. So much for accepting. Next time it will be whatever it is, no shame.
"The independent polling company in my Dockers has determined that you're the hottest girl in this school" HAH...sorry - a random quote from Glee that happens to be on at the moment ;)
There's been a thread on the support board on eDiets that is encouraging everyone there to share their achievements. I go in there everyday and grin over all of the wonderful things that are happening for people. And I ponder my own. And I leave. There's a tweet each of the past few days by @VoiceInRecovery asking people to share things they are proud of about themselves. I read, and I leave without posting.
Today I got an earful from Raphael, a spontaneous, beautiful, warm soliloquy about my transformation...from where I WAS to where I AM - in so many ways, the change is enormous. I was there in tears listening...weight loss goals met of course, and obviously the physical transformation is enormous, but also the achievements and accomplishments beyond the weight loss...I definitely lost it all for a while - somehow, my appreciation, joy and passion for that in myself was lost. Perspective. The distance from THERE to HERE, before and after...it's incredible! And yet right now sometimes that distance is very small, even non-existent:
Before: When I think about all that it did for me when I treated it so badly.
Now: When I think about all that it does for me when I treat it so badly.
Before: When I knew the things I needed to do to change, and I fought myself and didn't choose to make the right decisions.
Now: When I know the things I need to do to change, and I continue to fight myself and don't choose to make the right decisions.
So I'm going to bring them even closer together in the now and celebrate it all...
Before & Now I had/have an amazing body that lives and breathes and allows me to move, touch, feel, speak, cry, smile, taste, see, hear, smile, run, lift, itch, tickle, and heal. And really...ANY action word you can think of... these just happen to be a few of my favorite.
One thing that my body does NOT do for me when I don't treat it right is allow me to rest. I track it daily (among 47 other things, sad but true) and tehre's no denying the relationship. When I don't eat right I don't sleep.
I was an insomniac for essentially the past 3 years, and I've learned that was hunger. I'm really sad about that, but just trying to accept it and learn from it.
I realize now that this path I'm on, it's the right one to continue *my* journey. It's probably not right for anyone else but for me, I'm where I need to be for whatever reason. I was ashamed that I swung so extreme...from one side to the other. Well so what..it is what it is and it all makes me... ME.
I'm good with that, so...onward :)