Friday, December 31, 2010

A New Year Rising

2010 hasn't been the smoothest of years for me. Between work, the house, the bank, the injuries, and the eating "issues," I've definitely had a lot on my plate through the majority of the year. It hasn't really slowed down any. In fact, if I had to say, I'd say it's just piled higher and deeper with all signs pointing to a few more inches before it's all over!

But what is there to do? Nothing can be solved with worry, nothing can be solved with fear or with hiding from reality, nor will I feel better if I allow myself to feel overwhelmed with it all.

Last week I got to visit with my family and friends, and I had a good reminder of all I do have...of all the good that i can celebrate from 2010, all I learned and experienced, and all the good I still have to look forward to, regardless of what happens in the days/weeks/months to come...

That brings me to a song I heard was by the Foo Fighters and the lyrics to "Times Like These" went like this:

I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight

New Years Eve can be considered the new year rising, and that is a beautiful thing. But the thing that's even better, and the thing that often gets overlooked is that every day is the new day rising, and every tomorrow is the brand new sky. That means endless chances to change, to get back up and try again, to push on, endless chances to laugh and love. Endless chances to remember that I still have an amazing family, friends that are always there for me, I have my health and strength, and I'm working on finding my TIME again. The past is exactly where it needs to be (behind me) and I'm taking steps to move forward. Granted, some are bigger than others, but every step is in the right direction.

So besides the biggies, some of the things I need to focus on with each new day:
1. Listening and trusting me, finding balance (work/life, training, food)
2. Stretching (always!)
3. Getting back to some personal training

Cheers to New Years and new days rising...

Monday, December 20, 2010

December Skillz!

This is skillz week! We love that :)

Usually Skillz Day falls on a Wednesday but I swapped mine around this week due to holiday travel craziness, so today was the day!

The PLAN called for (a bunch of warm-up sets and then...):

Squat x 185 and 195
Bench x 110 and 120
Deadlift x 290 and 310

Which I stuck to, exxxxceeeepppptttt on Squat :)
I went ahead and went for the ole 200...

And I did it! YEAH! OMG you have no idea how excited I was! Here's the big lift of the day:

Note happy dance at the end! Hahah :)

Bench went well, we only videod the 110 though, just in case there wasn't enough juice for the DLs:

For Deads, 290 went up pretty easily and with pretty decent form. A little rounding of the back but nothing excessive and I did set up strong - chest up, tight arch, but I was really beginning to tire here. Tooooo many DL warmups prior to this lift I essentially a meet in 90 minutes, so way less rest and no between lift snacks...FUH-tigue ;)

Here's 290:

Up next was 310. Lemme just preface this with *wow* 310 looks ugly! I told Myles before I did this one I was already tired, he said (after) that that might imply how the lift would look, hahah...too true! Terrible back rounding...very tough off the floor, but once I broke it it came up fast. 260 x 2 prior to the 290 I think was too much. One would've been plenty ;) Here it is, in all it's bad form glory ;)

So with that...we finish out the training plan. Which, crap! I forgot to mention to Dave, ends a week too early...I noticed it last night. Anyway...feeling good about the meet! yeah!

T's Skillz Day is on Wednesday :)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Raw Unity 2011 & GF Powaaaa

As if I couldn't already be excited enough about Raw Unity 2011, I've talked the fabulous and amazing Ms. T into joining me this year! The QT's have been lifted and T is in her off-season, so why not?!

With only 6 weeks to prep, we are getting down to business fast. In general, it's just some tweaking of the basics to get her PL prepped, learning the commands and the rules, and then building on her already strong lifts for added power and performance :) I have to say that I absolutely am LOVING having a virtual training partner...wish she was here, we would be having a blast. But as it is, we are performing essentially the same workouts each training day, the weight varies but the framework is the same.

I'm also loving being in a vaguely coaching role, so much fun! I still have a lot to learn, but I think it's helping me focus and better understand what I HAVE learned in order to pass it along.

T's found someone at her gym that is helping her adjust the mechanics of some of her lifts and I think in just one or two sessions he's been a tremendous benefit to her. That plus she's starting to video her lifts now and send them along..we're gonna have her squared away in no time - she's gonna be a supastaaaah at the meet. First time, and a total of 600+ is in the cards! We're gonna be quite the duo, I suspect ;)


Meanwhile, my training is coming along well, tomorrow is "Skills Day" and Myles is once again accompanying me to the gym. I *heart* skills day :) That should give us some good info to use going into the meet...we'll see, I'm sure Myles will make me behave myself but of course I don't *want* to ;)

Leaving on Tuesday for VA, I fully expect to be able to get all my training in while home and not miss a beat. When I get back a week from Wednesday, I'm subbing OUT one training session hopefully to train a day with the infamous RC-ster - fun!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I'm Still Here

I've been very successful the last few weeks in just BEING. I've not logged food or tracked calories or macros since Thanksgiving. I've had insanely good training sessions...but the past week or so I've been feeling extremely out of control. My weight had been fairly stable (and many will argue it still is) around 145 until the onset of my period when I bumped up 3lbs. Now three weeks later, essentially none of it has gone. With each day, the obsession over that grows, along with the sense that I need to DO something..."it's been long enough! it should come down! obviously you're doing something wrong. Fix it, less food, work harder..." blah blah blah...

I recognize that a) I don't know why it popped up and won't come down (well I know why it popped up, it's the won't come down part I don't know...), and b) this feeling today really is not about my weight but the general feeling of being out of control of my life, and wanting to control SOMETHING.

We found out we were taking another paycut at work, and when that came down and I still hadn't heard from the bank, I decided to take control of the situation and list my house for short sale. That decision felt freeing and brought a small sense of relief and closure to a situation that felt like it would never come to resolution. Just before the Realtor came to take pictures and get the house listed, the bank sent me a letter and denied my modification. So today I really have no idea what's going to happen with it...I have no control of what the bank might do, or how things are going to work out, I just have to trust that right now in each moment I'm making the right decisions toward the future.

I do recognize this feeling though. This is the tightest, most squeezed, feeling most "captive" point...the point where I feel all of the tension about "what's to come" and not knowing and a lot of fear...I know pushing through this there will be a release on the other side, there will be that moment of freedom when I can run out with my arms outstretched, I know that all of this will ultimately lead to a big growth spurt and new opportunities and all around good things. RIght here on the precipice I know the only way to escape is to jump, but it still looks like a huge jump with no net...Really I wish I had someone to jump with me, but...I've done this before, I just need to stay the course.

In our last session (the one before today), we talked about not giving yourself the 'leftovers." She said (summarizing) 'you spend so much time running around trying to put out fire after fire, to fix that, and make this right, and make that better, and help this person and do this over here...that by the time you get around to you you expect YOURSELF to run on autopilot. No attention, no self care necessary. You essentially look at yourself and say "hey, really? you can't just work on autopilot? Really? I have to pay attention to YOU TOO? what is WRONG with you?"

Today when I saw her, she reminded me of that. She said now, more than ever, I cannot give myself just the leftovers.