So Dave has yet to get back to me, I'm starting to worry maybe he wasn't serious when he offered to coach me. On the other hand, I'm not really ready to go until next week when i get back anyway, soo...just trying to go with the flow for now.
I am anxious to really start lifting again, so I will do a good w/o tomorrow, and will try to fit one in while I'm away, although the time is looking really tight. The hotel says it has free weights, but I called today and I think it's really just much more of your typical hotel gym. There's a gym just 2 blocks away at the guest pass price of $10 but I don't think I can swing the time even at the crack o'dawn. We do what we can...
I saw Christie today, short session but I'm glad it was there. Feeling a little crazy with this week upon me...we talked about that interview I did last week, where I remembered/realized all of the *things*
I told her I'm afraid to stop DOING. For so long I worked towards this weight goal, or that running goal, or becoming a personal trainer, or getting my master's, or moving, or finding a new job, or x, y, z, and 1, 2, 3. Somewhere I lost sight of the amazingness of how all those things felt and forgot to just BE in them, to just feel them and celebrate just where I was...pause before moving forward. So for 10 years now or so...push push push...stronger, better, smarter, farther, faster, harder...there's always MORE...she said she really wants me to focus on just being more connected to the here and now. This goes back to appreciating my body, and all the little things it does every day for me.. Nothing wrong with setting goals, but the closer I am to the here, the now, the ME TODAY, the more connected I will feel with my body and what I REALLY want, instead of just go go go go go all the time on auto-pilot, and because it was part of some plan. She said, "You're a human BEING, not a human doing."
She asked me how I thought that felt, I told her - scary. It feels a little like settling, or giving in, or becoming passive, or..I don't know what, it just feels a little scary.
She asked me if I thought about any additional foods and adding them back in to my diet. At the meet last weekend I had some apples, Fuji apples. They were *really* good, so I said apples. She thought I should think about adding them back into my diet...I hesitated, "now? before Tuesday?" (Tuesday is the shoot day). I feel like an asshole writing that, but I'm not hiding this stuff anymore...YES, I've cut apples pretty much completely out of my diet. YES I'm afraid right now to add them back in. We agreed I could try it on Wednesday, and to better balance it add a string cheese to it. And not change anything else (meaning, don't cut something else out to "make room for" the apple + string cheese snack). I was afraid of the milk, and that has worked just fine and it feels really good. I actually *enjoy* that meal...it might be the only one. So I have to just trust that this will be just fine too...
Today I got the house straightened up, did all the laundry, and got some sunshine. Tomorrow I'll need to actually start packing (ugh), and deal with the sheets on the bed and fun stuff like that. Hopefully a touch more sunshine before I go too :) I got Carol to come back and check on the kitties while I'm gone, she rocks :)