So I think the word of the week is "appreciation." Remembering all the good over the bad, remembering where you've come from, how you've grown and changed...appreciating the journey of life you've been on....
As I mentioned yesterday, i got the reminder to first appreciate my body for all it does and all it can do, and second, to remember and appreciate where I was and all of the amazingness of the journey that I've been on. I spent some time thinking through some of the most profound...
So this post is my appreciation post, for all of those things, and maybe more, who knows. This is a good place for me to be tonight...recalling all of this.
September 2000 - I remember signing up for eDiets.com when all those first "a-ha" moments had had their way with me. I remember thinking I couldn't do it...
~September 2001 - I remember when i first thought, "well ok, maybe I can"
~January 2003 - I remember joining the gym, feeling super intimidated, wearing huge sweats and t-shirts, worrying about who was watching me sweat and look funny and uncoordinated...but going anyway, and feeling good about it after it was over.
I remember when I bought my first new clothes in a REGULAR store, and NOT in the "womens" section. Size 18, with no "W" :) Hah..pants for work, that didn't have a giant droopy crotch ;)
My first mile! I remember being on the treadmill in the gym, exactly where that was and the view I had but damn it, I can't remember the time. I want to say it was 14 and some change (that's minutes, yup! ;) But I RAN IT, all the way, no stopping. I had NEVER done that before. I ran!
Early Spring 2006 - I remember being so inspired by how absolutely amazing and good I felt, and all the new good that my body could do and feel and experience, and SO inspired by RC who helped me get there, that I decided to get certified as a personal trainer. I remember when I passed the test, and my first clients. I.Loved.It.
While I was scanning gmail to see if I could find that first mile run time, I stumbled on my first 10k time - 63:44 in June of 2006, and then my first half marathon in October of 2006! Goal was 2:15:30 (no idea why I threw that extra 30 seconds on there LOL), I did it: 2:13:39.4
July 2006 - I remember making one of the hardest decisions of my life - the decision to be happy and healthy all around in every facet of my life, and leave my marriage, go after a new job, move to a new city - to take action and actively SEEK the life I wanted to have...
June 2007..TODAY as a matter of fact, this day in June 2007, wow so funny how all of these things come together at just one time, this week for me..this remembrance post, and this anniversary...June 2007 I started working for eDiets. I so wanted to be a part of this company that was so very instrumental in helping me to achieve all of these amazing things. That helped me and my body to FEEL the way that I did, I wanted to give that back in any and every way that I could...
I remember ~September 2008 filming exercise videos..*I* was the model in nearly all of them. ME? Filming exercise videos designed to teach/show other people how to do them. I remember very clearly when it hit me what I was doing.."who *am* i? who am *I* to be doing this when just a few years ago I didn't know what 90% of those exercise were, when I could barely get off the floor for that matter?"
In April of 2009 I lifted 253lbs in the deadlift, that was my starting weight with eDiets...what an amazing high to have "conquered" that weight!
And this time last year, when we filmed the eDiets Best Body Boot Camp DVD. Helloooo...same thing, "who am I? In a workout DVD?!" That is INSANITY. And full of awesome :)
I intend to each day find something that I appreciate about what my body is doing or has done. I won't lose sight again...I don't HAVE to be more more more, I can be happy Cathy, I've made the life I wanted...more should come from a place of joyful choice, because I seek the challenge, not because I'm compelled to keep pushing. That path will never lead to a good place.
As @fat2figure reminded me, "It's a choice, and you decided a long time ago to not ever go back. Now it's time to let go and live the life you've created for yourself."
So funny how all this comes around, comes together at the same time. So brilliant and beautiful :)
This weekend, I choose to lift more weight and put all the training to the test :) I take on the challenge because I want to, not because I have to...this is one I'm sure of, and this weekend I'm planning on lots of moments to remember. I went from not even knowing how to squat less than 2 years ago, to this meet on Sunday I'll be all over that bar at 190lbs! I'm taking 325 on in the deadlift and OWNING it. I can't wait...the high is unforgettable.
I may have internet access from the business room at the hotel, but I'm not bringing my computer, so it's possible I won't be back online until Monday. I know there are so many out there standing by me, walking with me if you will, through this meet. I owe so much to all of my friends and family who have stood by cheering through ALL of this (and it's been a LONG TIME)...and they continue to do so now.
Each time I lift, it starts with a huge deep breath...That's me taking in all of the love and support from all of you. Thank you :)
And just in case - one more time...
Here's where you can find the live stream of the meet!
I'm lifting in the Afternoon Session that starts at 3pm Sunday 6/20 (the Ustream website says noon, but that is pacific time). While this session starts at 3, I've confirmed that we (women) are in the SECOND group to lift in that session, so I don't expect to make my first lift until about 3:30 or 3:40pm.
First up - Squats! Bring it!