I had a workout scheduled for this morning, I was up for it, I got the work I needed to get done early this morning so I could go without that on my mind...I got up, got my workout clothes on, looked in the mirror and saw TIRED looking back at me. Once I saw that, I was able to allow myself to slow down just long enough to FEEL the tired. I'm still totally wiped out - not sure if it's the culmination of all this lack of sleep, the heavy week of training I did last week, or even just Friday's workout which really left me about as effective as a puddle on the ground ;)
So yesterday was a full rest day, and today is now too. I put my sweats on, put my hair up in a ponytail and here I am. I'm trying to get out of that headspace I have been in all week, it's not a good place for me and makes no logical sense. I think hormones are also playing a large role in this whole past week of feeling like I have - last Sunday I switched to a new BCP in an attempt to alleviate the monthly migraines. I think the issue has been there, but the hormone change is just amplifying things. RC suggested just going with the emotion - not fighting it trying to stop it or finding sense in it...feel what I need to feel and let it out. Honestly that's helped a lot, because when I started analzying it all I felt completely irrational, which sort of fed it and made me feel worse. So irrational emotions or not ... moving forward. Today has been better :)
Also - starting with today's impromptu rest day, this week, there is no plan. RC suggested I might try just training what feels right when I wake up and get to the gym instead of a structured/strict schedule. I've got a few weeks where I can play with this a little - I'll go back to the structured workout before the meet, but I've got about 8 weeks ahead of me, so 3 or so of this won't hurt. I'm terrified of it, it requires really *listening* but I need to give it a shot because I've been feeling weirdly trapped in routine, something that I normally thrive on. It's hard to explain, but I'm hoping this helps me a lot - it's another start at the TRUST thing that I so need to learn with myself. At the very least, it'll freshen things up a little :)
To do this, I've gotta have everything with me every time I go to the gym, so I switched up to a bigger gym bag so I could carry everything. When I train legs I'll squat and deadlift (not on the same day) and when I hit Chest I'll bench. For bench and deadlift, I have all my training percentages written in my log so I can easily do either when the feeling is right.
Next 4 weeks with squat I'm going away from 5-3-1 again, I just want to be sure I'm hitting every rep every time..so the next 3-4 weeks or so will be playing with 135-155lb range, increasing set/rep schemes and going for volume rather than heavy load/low volume. I just need that practice to get it ingrained, I think. I'll still have a full cycle of 5-3-1 left to go through before the meet..