So Coco asked me an interesting question - if lowering my calories doesn't result in the weight loss because it's a result of stress not over consumption...what will I do?
Well the answer is really that I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't help. But just feeling like I'm doing everything I can to take care of it already has me feeling ever so slightly less stressed. Maybe that's bad, a sign of just how "distorted" my thinking is, how off my beliefs about myself are. I feel like I have to apologize for it or something, but it is what it is and it's important to me for a variety of reasons right now. I'm not doing it in secret or unsupervised, I emailed Christie and she replied to go ahead and give it a try but suggested a slight tweak to my macros (closer to 40/40/20 instead of my 45/35/20). I guess ultimately if it doesn't help (and probably even if it does), I'll have to see a Dr. to consider adrenal fatigue as Karen suggested, or at the very least to get my girly hormones sorted out.
Today we took one tiny step *away* from the 150, and the spasming in my back has been significantly less. I took other steps today - started looking ahead to what I want to do next, the ever popular "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" question. Tough to imagine since I have this house I'm stuck with, but I'm not sweating the details at this point. Can't, or I'll just be paralyzed in the "what ifs."
Hopefully the back will remain calm tonight, and another good night's sleep will bring with it a little less stress in the morning.