Friday, October 1, 2010

And then there was the food...

Because of the schedule, the travel, and the social side of things - I knew eating on this trip would be challenging for me.  I'd been trying to sort of psyche myself up for it, it got hard when my weight went up from my little meal last Saturday night.

I purposefully did not weigh myself before I left, at the recommendation/strong urging of RC - common sense knew that pretty much no matter what it said I would not be happy with it and also that it didn't matter - I had the job to do.  I ate my normal meals leading up to my departure time on Monday, but found myself STARVING within only about 90 minutes of that last meal, which I wasn't ready for - it was surprising.  RC texted me "eat what you need to eat."  Right right...that common sense thing.

So I put all the "rules" aside and tried to live this week in that way.  It was easier to do with little to no structure to the days, and also knowing that there were going to be loonnnnng periods of time between being able to eat.

I ended up eating nearly every meal out, and I ended up eating pretty much just 3 meals a day (versus 6).  They were big meals, definitely more rich in carbs and fat than I would normally choose.  Also obviously the sodium was higher (since we were out).  Both Tues and Weds night out we shared two desserts between the four of us, and Wedsnesday night I had a small glass of wine with dinner.

I found myself really hungry by the time we ate the next meal, despite the previous meal being large.  I was fearful each morning of how my clothes would fit, but they continued to fit fine (well, the same as they had been prior to traveling).

This morning I debated staying off the scale completely, particularly because of all days - yesterday was the "worst."  It was not bad, but relatively speaking, I ate quite "poorly."  I had a large breakfast before leaving for the studio (half egg white, half egg veggie omelet w/light cheese, huge slice of toast with peanut butter, some strawberries, walnuts, and a small blueberry muffin).  At the airport for lunch I had a cheeseburger and fries.  I ate the entire burger (and bun) and maybe half (maybe not quite) of the fries.  I got one ancho chile/dark chocolate truffle from a gourmet chocolate store and enjoyed that with a coffee while I waited for my flight.  In Atlanta when I was trapped for dinner but couldn't go very far from the gate, I wound up with a grilled chicken sandwich form Chik-Fil-A - I ate the bun again and I grabbed a small cone of Freshens "Tart Yogurt" frozen yogurt.  So three squares and that was it - but really...pretty far outside the norm for me.

 Anyway, shockingly (hah), I did NOT stay off the scale this morning.  I was totally surprised to see my weight exactly as it was last Sunday.  To the decimal place - 146.8

I'm not sure why, but I had already been contemplating all of this long before i stepped on the scale this morning.  Just the difference in the eating and how I was feeling and how my clothes were fitting - how that didn't change dramatically during the week.  Wednesday night after the two shows - two shows of talking about how important it is to not feel deprived, to enjoy your food, to allow yourself variety (and the entire time being fully aware of the irony of my statements), and following my dinner meal of Poached Pear & Gorgonzola Salad and a faaaabulous pork loin dish that was absolutely drown in oil or butter or some sort of sauce, a glass of wine and several bites of dessert...I fleetingly thought "I can do this."

And then I got home and I see that I DID do it.

On the other hand I was relieved and happy to be back to "normal" today.  It's interesting though because I didn't go completely normal - I went with what felt good but with more normal food choices.  I logged it all just now, after the fact, and I came in at 1524 calories with 40% protein, 35% carbs, 25% fat (including one square of an extremely dark chocolate bar w/ chile pepper).  Which is interesting, because like the week, overall it's carbier and fattier than "normal" for me.

No conclusions, no big declarations to make - just observing and feeling and trying to stay connected to me.

Back to training tomorrow :)

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