That's sort of how I've been feeling this week. Like I have a ton of stuff to do and to figure out and to "fix" and yet at the same time, really I have very little actually going on. It's a weird feeling, hard to explain. I feel like things are very far from a plan, and we all know how I like PLANS, don't we? Right now I'm a little bit all over the place and feel like a lot is out of control, but how else do I really expect to be right now? I mean I *just* lost the job, right? It's not like I've been at this for months. So rather than killing myself trying to control a bunch of stuff that really can't be controlled...I'm TRYING to go with the flow and just do what I can. So even though it's very little, it somehow feels like a lot of work hahah.
Friday July 8 was my last day with eDiets, it was busier than I expected and not quite as smooth as I'd hoped (a lot of last minute stuff), but it still ended the same. Friday night I took myself out to dinner to celebrate - nice big burger and fries and a margarita. Yum :) Still have a lot of mixed feelings over the whole thing. I'm trying to stop myself from trying to justify them all or from pushing them away, just trying to go with it.
Yesterday I had an interview for a great job, I'm feeling really hopeful and positive that I'll get the call for another interview. She said I could expect to hear either way by the end of the week next week. Please if you're reading this keep that in your thoughts for me, I really need for something to come through soon. It is only part time but with that and some PT I should be ok for a little while and it's really a great match for me, so...Yesterday eDiets and I also struck a deal on the one thing that was left as a bit of a loose end. We'll have to call it "mutually beneficial" and just leave it at that, though.
Today I think I found the health insurance plan I'm going to go with, it seems to provide basic (though very reasonable) coverage at a somewhat affordable rate, considering. Cobra, as always, is completely out of my reach at $400/mo!
Deads yesterday...it was a good day. They went about as I expected...not quite ready, hahah ;) That said, I'm also not real worried about it. It all went down like this:
5 x 135
3 x 165, 195, 215
5 x 245
1 x 295
miss x 320
This was a "3" week so for working sets it was 3 x 195 and 215, 3+ at 245
I held back on the 245 and only pulled the 5 (easily had way more in me) but I probably should have just stuck to 3 I guess, because in addition to the regular 5-3-1 program, the revised program calls for adding singles in meet prep phases. Since I've decided to go for the August DL only meet, I'm adding that in now (that's the part I'm not quite ready for). Singles this week were 85% and 92.5% of intended meet max (345). 295 went up easy and 320 didn't go up at all. Well, I did move it about an inch off the floor, but no way it was comin all the way up - not surprising, and not alarming :)
Here's the 245 (continuing with the dead stop thing):
Here's the single at 295:
In still other news (this is a long update!) ... I see Christie tomorrow. I think it's been about a month since our last session. I'm feeling really incredible good about things lately. I ate comfortably when at home with my folks last week and came back only 1lb higher than when i left. Before I left for that trip, Raphael asked me to come up with a plan that I enjoy. He said, "forget the calories, forget the macros, just come up with a plan that has foods that you think you'd enjoy and put them together into meals and then let me see it." I did this, and when I was done and looked at it - I was really happy and kind of excited about it. I spent a minute too long looking at it, and found myself wanting to tweak the macros and move things around between meals, but I walked away from it. He asked me to show it to him and he said, "I love it, go for it!"
I wasn't sure about it, I'll admit I was hesitant because I still KNEW the macros and the cals...but on Monday I went ahead and gave it a try, it just felt like the right time to do it. And then yesterday. And today. And I'm fully enjoying it. And I'm lifting strong. And I'm losing...my scale weight is still higher than I'd ideally like it, but I haven't felt that out of control feeling - I'm confident and comfortable. I'm feeling like...I can finally DO this and be ok :) And I can't wait to share this with Christie tomorrow - all the "new" foods I'm adding and swapping in and out of my daily diet. The flexibility, going out and enjoying myself once in a while...as she said at the end of my last visit (I think), I'm getting my life back...in so many ways :)
Bench is on deck tomorrow, and squats on Friday, with a guest appearance! Really looking forward to that :)