Surprise surprise, I haven't posted in ages. I've been a bit on the busy side...on the job front, on the home front, on the training front (even though I'm not specifically training for anything right now), and on the weight/eating/recovery front...
On a whim tonight I thought I'd look back and see if I posted anything around this date a year ago. Surprise - I posted on May 9th, 2010...Nutrition and Wt Battles Continue.
I'm still fighting with some of the same things, but in many ways I've come really far. It's less of a struggle, and I'm catching myself before spiraling way down deep into it. I owe a lot of that to a lot of folks who've been patient with me while I try to figure things out. Christie, RC, Coco, Tara, Brandi, Brooke...tons of others too, who've just been understanding.
I've been dieting...the same plan I talked about in one of my few posts in March...100g carbs most days, low cals, and either a high day or a cheat meal day once every 4-7 days. It's been hard and progress is very slow..not quite 1lb per week on average. But I'm getting leaner than ever at a higher weight, and my body is sort of evening out..it behaves less extremely? Not sure how to fully explain that...but the extremes are less extreme.
I wish I knew how to communicate a feeling that washed over me a few weeks ago...it was a deep down inside feeling that knew I was never going to do this again, that I've got a handle on it...THIS TIME is like the time in 2000 when I knew I was going to lose weight "this time." That's it, no questions no doubt. Ok so there's some doubt, but I let go of the constant worry. I had a session a few weeks back with Christie where I explained this letting go, that I realized EVERYTHING was completely out of my control and I could only do what I could...hahah how silly right, of course that's all any of us could do. But I've been so determined to take and keep control of everything, it took losing control of everything (job, home, weight, etc) to realize that I couldn't do it...and more importantly, that that was OK.
She also had me draw out this sort of mental transformation I've made between sometime in 2006 and now...I've never wished more that I were an artist and could really put the vision I have in my head to paper. It still felt good to get it out.
Yes I'm still trying to lose a bit of this, but I'm not letting it overwhelm me. I'm keeping my high days (and fully enjoying them), I'm not fearing my off days, I'm not letting the scale determine the direction of my day...my focus is not the number but how I feel and how my clothes fit. I'm almost there, and I think I'll end up at my highest "goal weight" ever...and be happy about it :)
At the same time I've sold my house, moved, and continue the career pursuit. Things are settling down a little, but all in all, I'm feeling pretty good. Letting go of all that stuff (whether by force or voluntarily I think is irrelevant at this point) was the best thing that could have happened. Yay...I feel like I'm on the ascent...coming out of the abyss, hopefully with my treasure :)
Training...to return soonish :)