Today

Training this week has gone well. Wednesday was a tough day, I was low on energy and it showed in my workout, but I got through it fine and was much better recovered for yesterdays bench/squat workout. Looking forward to some more...hopefully back to some more vids next week, I left my camera at work this week.

Otherwise, I'm focusing very inward today, no distractions. This is so much easier to do at home than during the week at work. Hoping the more I practice at home, the easier it gets away.

The intention today is to do only what my body asks as far as food, movement, rest, etc. No auto-pilot, no just doing because that's what I always do. Instead, just listening and responding. This morning it was "run," so I went out for a run. It was slow and steady, and a few years ago I would have called it a terrible run, but this morning I saw my feet moving beneath me and listened to the pace of my breath and how my knee didn't speak a peep...it was a great run and it felt fantastic.

If later it says, "nap," then I'll nap. Eat peanut brittle? Well no second guessing...eat peanut brittle. Eat when hungry, not because the clock says it's time to eat. I'm hoping this will make it easier for me to trust tomorrow and stay off the scale...more connection = more trust = less fear? That's the hope and the intention.

I haven't spoken much of it here, but I'm back on our Meal Delivery program for a few weeks. Not following it specifically, but to try all of the meals since so many are new to me. To be honest at first I freaked, it's more carbs than I'm comfortable with, and waayyy less protein(read: not enough for powerlifting), and I think higher in fat (but, if we're being real - almost ANY diet is higher in fat than what I "normally" eat). It's a solid diet plan for weight loss (as Brooke on a Diet can attest :), overall very well balanced and healthy. It's just *different* from how I eat, which as we know equals scary. But I'm trying to view it as an opportunity to trust more, try new things, and learn from it. I won't eat it straight through (3 meals + snack every day), but I will have at least one or two meals from it each day, and then supplement with enough protein to be sufficient for my needs.

Just now I had the Pancakes with Pineapple-Almond Cream Cheese breakfast and it was really really tasty. I cooked up 2 egg-whites to accompany it for some extra protein, and I feel fully satisfied, and not bloaty from the pancakes/pineapple, and ate something that's normally on the no-no list for me.

Good day :)

I'm sending shout-out vibes to one Mr. RC who's out on stage right now totally lighting it up, ferocious, with everything he's got :)

And that is where I'm at today. I feel peaceful. Stumbled on this yesterday and feel it's appropriate here today:

To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves...We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here -- with its gift of energy and heightened awareness -- so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation. - Peter McWilliams

Update: Body asked for "red meat" so I responded with a burger (on a toasted sandwich round), accompanied by a small glass of red wine (faaantastic), and a tomato/cucumber salad I made earlier. Yum. I'm proud of me :) I feel successful in this day of "being a human being, not a human doer." (from Christie)

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